He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
