I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
