oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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