Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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