someone get that fucking seahorse.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
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