i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
