Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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