This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
