yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
