babies were throwing up all over the place
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize