Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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