If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
