I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
