They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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