I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm getting married
To pizza
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
