dude i'm inner monologue high
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
