His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
