Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
