They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
