Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
