I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize