i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
