If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
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