What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
