Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
