Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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