We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
