I am puke
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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