I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
