Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
