it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Houston, we have a squirter
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize