Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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