i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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