I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
