i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
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