also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
