What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
