I can't watch pbs sober anymore
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Randomize
