I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I think my fart just growled at me.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
