Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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