Someone shit on the floor
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
