I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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