I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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