I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
His nipple licking is glorious
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