Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
