I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
