Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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