A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
