Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
