Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
