he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
