Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
