so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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