I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
