dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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