I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
