Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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