are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
