never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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