After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
