I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
