he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
is it fun? or sober?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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