i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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