Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
a search helicopter?!
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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