Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
