I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
