i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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