I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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