What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
